What I Expect to be the Hardest Part

Well, tomorrow is the first day of my last normal semester as an undergrad, so that’s pretty cool (and terrifying). I’ll still have two classes to finish in June, but I still get to walk at the May commencement. There were time when it felt like that day would never come, and now that it’s (sort of) almost here, I’m surprised to find myself paralyzed with fear. This is silly since I’m planning on staying in school to at least get my master’s degree, but I’ll probably get my doctorate, I’ve always wanted to be “Dr.” I expected to be Dr. Daunt, but life had other plans, so Dr. Elliott it is!

But any who, with the start of the new semester comes the start of a new routine. I’m in class for twelve hours a week, and according to the current schedule I’ll be at work about fourteen hours a week, so that leaves me plenty of time to fit in a workout. Ultimately, I’d really like to become a runner. This goes against all my instincts since I have always felt as though I’m on the brink of death after some P.E. teacher makes me run. But still, I want to be one of those old people you see power walking in the mall with their fanny packs and swishing jogging suits of elaborate, loud color combinations. But before I get there, I want to be healthy! And running is something you can do pretty much anywhere, and the only cost is the footwear. I feel obligated to become a runner too since I am now addicted to Vibram Fivefingers (SO COMFY!). I feel like a D-bag wearing them around masquerading as a runner, but since I got that first pair I can’t go back to regular shoes! I’m trying to convert Troy so we can learn to use them together. There is this big long explanation about it but basically, when you run in Vibrams you have to run in a way that causes the front of your foot to strike the ground first. Then the arch absorbs the impact and so on and so forth. This requires muscles that tend to remain dormant when walking or running the other (wrong) way. Essentially, I’m paranoid that I’m gonna look stupid, and/or severely injure myself. I feel like my inexperience with running is sort of an advantage, but still.

These are the ones I have: Treksport

This may sound like an excuse, but if you know me then you know how legitimately paranoid I am about…well, everything. And once, I saw a guy in Vibrams at the RAC on a treadmill and he was running the wrong way and he looked and sounded ridiculous!

I truly believe that getting over that voice in my head telling me that everyone is watching me, and judging me, and laughing at me is going to be the hardest part. It sucks, but the power it has is very real. I think it has something to do with why I let myself get this big; I was afraid to attempt to exercise (sounds stupid—I know), so I never did.

I tried jogging on a treadmill once and it made my chest and gut jiggle like nothing I’d ever felt before! Not only was is uncomfortable and humiliating and all that, but the next thing I did, to try to stop it, was shopping for one of those body suits that compresses the jiggly parts. I couldn’t do it though. So I gave up. Well, I tried!

Until I get an idea of how much time I’ll need to devote to homework each night, and the Weight-Loss Education Program is underway, my schedule will be somewhat flexible. I’m gonna see about going to the RAC on my days off of work, at the time I normally get ready for work, really early in the morning hopefully—when no one else is there. Then I can try running in my Vibrams without feeling like I’m being laughed at. When that is done, I’ll go inside and work out some more. My classes don’t start until noon, which gives me plenty of time to shower and all that, so it looks like I’m all set. I’ve just got to face my demons head on. Troy, as always, is being wonderful. He encourages me and guides me to make better decisions, and it’s so great to know that I have him there beside me no matter what. At this point there is really nothing to stop me from achieving my goal, and my God is it about time! I’m ready. Let’s do this.



Anyone interested in coming along (Bur) is more than welcome. I promise not to judge and it’ll be nice to have some company. (Troy doesn’t run with me in that he doesn’t stay with me because I don’t want to slow him down, so someone more on my level [way, way brand new] would be cool).


1 Comment

  1. Mommy

    My God you are adorable and make me laugh! I love you little girl. You can do this, I believe in you!

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